(It's not submission in the slightest. If anything, Mihawk was more prepared than ever to swiftly assert his control back over the situation at the single notion that something was wrong. Not even necessarily with Koby, but should anything nefarious follow them into their private little bubble in this new world. It wasn't impossible, he knew, not with what has already happened here.
What it is though is trust. Something deeper too. A gesture of...That. He knew Koby wasn't a stupid boy. Far from it. He was too compassionate for his own good and wickedly observant. He knew that Koby would know what it meant. Even in the slightest way possible. He can feel the weight of that silence and has to resist the urge to whip back around and see what look was on Koby's face, to look.
He resists that urge and decides that if he is going to do this then he is going to commit to it. The soft voice and touch make Mihawk relax, his head tipping back ever so slightly. He closes his own eyes and something settles in him.
He reaches his hand back, just so that he could slide his fingers over Koby's neck, against the hair at the back of his neck.)
Only for you. (He murmurs back, just as quietly, nearly lost beneath the rushing water, but not quite. He gently squeezes the back of Koby's neck. Three times. Pulsing squeezes. He lingers just a moment before he slides his hand away and back to his lap. Something better than pride was pushing its way through him, something that made turning his back feel infinitely worth it.
If Koby could trust him with his essence, the new seal skin he had come by, then Mihawk could trust him with this too. Always.)
[It's almost a good thing that the bathroom's steadily filling up with steam, because it hides the way that Koby's tearing up, his hair-trigger emotions veering right into weepiness, per usual. He swallows hard, keeping his eyes closed for a moment, trying not to read too much into the hand at the back of his neck, the three squeezes, the amount of words he could assign to that number. Koby's known for a while what his feelings are, deep down -- since that first night Mihawk stayed with him after sex, since he fell asleep in the warlord's arms. Those emotions have just grown more and more impossible to ignore over the days since.
But this is the first time he thinks -- he lets himself think that it might be reciprocated. That Mihawk might feel the same. That this isn't just a pleasant diversion or a way to spend the time, but that Mihawk might --
love him back.
Koby squeezes his eyes shut tighter, forcing the thoughts, that word back as hard as he can. They don't have time for this, not in a world as dangerous as this. Stay in the moment, focus on the task, move his hands so his mind doesn't have time to spiral. He can think about this later, when he's alone, when he can lose himself in the what-ifs.
Straightening back up, Koby huffs out a steadying sigh, grabbing for the soap again and starting to wet, then lather up Mihawk's grimy back.] It looks like you rolled around in the mud. Do you really not remember? [There we go, when in doubt, gently mock.]
(If they were facing one another if he could see how Koby looked right now, it would be game over. It was already over, but it caution would be thrown to the wind. He somehow knew Koby was tearing up - whether it was because he could smell the salt of his tears or because he just knew him. He knew what was between them. He knew what this was. He didn't know how to say it to himself or to Koby, but in the meantime, he could make it clear.
He smiles to himself as Koby gets himself composed. It's a private fondness, something he will keep to himself just as Koby keeps his tears to himself in the moment.)
It was a bit of a blur, I'll be honest. I have new senses. The feeling of being in the body was different too. I was rather large.
(That he did remember. He remembered pushing down trees.)
I felt...Strongly.
(He isn't going to say he went insane but he went a little insane! Werewolf life be like that sometimes. He begins to scrub himself down in the front. Feeling Koby was his back was as soothing as it was strange, but it began to feel...better.)
[To be fair, assuming Koby's in tears is the right assumption a good 90% of the time. It tends to be his first reaction to most any intense emotion.
But there's no time to cry -- he process of washing Mihawk's back is much more compelling at the moment. Koby's always appreciated the other man's body (both to himself and in practice), but there's something intensely appealing about seeing the muscles he's only ever seen briefly or beneath clothes. And when they're all soapy and wet and warm beneath his hands -- well. It's plenty to keep him occupied.
Plus the incessant need to know everything is piqued by Mihawk's description of his transformation. Koby perks up, already trying to commit everything to memory. He might actually stop mid-bath to write everything down. Nerd.] New senses? Like what? Were you entirely wolf-shaped or more humanoid? I guess you probably couldn't tell, if you were busy, uh, feeling strongly.
[Then Koby huffs out a laugh, reluctantly rinsing off the soap and absently tracing from one beauty mark to another, like a private constellation just for him.] Even you're allowed to lose control sometimes. It's not some...failure of resolve, or whatever dramatic thing you're thinking.
(It was amazing how there were still parts of each other they hadn't been able to properly appreciate yet with how much time they spent in bed together. Mihawk is grateful to be getting himself clean up front although he is glaring with some distaste at the abundance of fur. He preferred his body hair to be as neatly trimmed and refined as what was on his face.)
Smells are far different. It's difficult to explain. They feel deeper and more complex. I can see easily in the dark. Hm. I could easily go from all fours to being on my hind legs. I remember grabbing things with my - hands.
(Claws, more like, or paws? Either way. They had the usual dexterity he was used to.
When Koby laughs at him and has the audacity to say all that...! Mihawk flicks his tail to splash Koby with a good amount of water.)
[Granted, it's sort of a one-way street -- Mihawk's had his mouth or hands on basically every part of Koby possible at this point. But still, there are apparently a lot of different ways to engage with said parts, because every time they're together, Mihawk still manages to make it devastatingly, wonderfully new.
The descriptions get a thoughtful nod as Koby starts carefully finger-combing the matted mix of fur at the nape of Mihawk's neck, gently coaxing the suds on his hands through the dried blood and grime.] In between, then. That's somewhat useful, still being able to use your hands. I was just a regular seal, I think. [Sleek and quick and strangely graceful in the water, comically awkward on land.
And then Mihawk is splashing him, the absolute nerve! Koby gasps indignantly, jerking back to late to keep his face and front from getting wet.] H-Hey! [Sputtering, sitting back to snatch his shirt and use it to wipe his glasses dry:] That is the biggest lie you've ever told me. You have black walls and candles everywhere.
[Slightly dried off, Koby goes back to washing Mihawk's hair, perhaps a bit rougher than before, as punishment. Even though he probably likes having his hair pulled.] Then it's good the only time it's happened, you weren't around anyone, right? Now you can prepare for next time.
(Oh that felt good. Mihawk's eyes squint shut as Koby's fingers dig in and he winds up leaning into it.)
We'll have to show each other if we can. (He didn't think he could change on command just yet - which was lowkey infuriating beyond belief. But he would like to see Koby as a seal. Especially a pink one.
One of his short, rare laughs snaps out of him at Koby's reaction to being splashed. He did so love playing with Koby like this, pulling on his pigtails right back.)
Black is an elegant color. Hardly dramatic. (He has refined taste, thank you very much. He's so smug even as Koby is a bit rougher with his hair. He likes it a bit rough so jokes on you.)
That feels lovely. (Just for added spite :D)
Just Shanks. (Who was probably fine. They've had way worse fights.)
I suppose. I should make you do some research for me on the subject.
Edited (i forgot a whole word lmao ok AND html tf) 2023-12-03 00:13 (UTC)
That might actually...be nice. I feel a little, um. Dehydrated, maybe? [Which is odd -- Koby is usually very conscientious about avoiding things like that. He knows so much about all the ways you can die at sea, and dehydration is right up there with scurvy. Maybe it's more that it's been a few hours since he was a seal, and that feels...bad.
Then Koby rolls his eyes, digging in his blunt nails against Mihawk's scalp.] You say elegant, I say dramatic. I like blue. Or white. [Like a marine uniform. Nerd.
Right, Shanks. Koby makes a mental note to follow up on that later. Mihawk didn't seem too bothered, so violence was apparently the norm for them -- not that he has room to talk, considering he'd decked Helmeppo the day they met.]
I like research, so there's no "making" about it. There have to be books about it, or people in town who've had similar changes, right? Maybe I should check in with the Straw Hats...
Interesting. (It made sense though if this was now part of Koby.) There is a creek nearby. It should be deep enough to swim in. I wonder if you'll feel better after a soak.
(Or if it had to be wild waters.
He can't seem to stop smirking. The wolf thing really was making him lose some decent control. That or he just was doing it because he knew Koby had no way of seeing it though it was certainly evident in his voice.
Violence was all too common in their world, truly.)
Most likely.
(...That probably was a good idea.)
I'll check in with Zoro. Do make sure the idiot cook is in one piece. (...) And Nami.
(He was starting to feel more himself. He turned around, finally facing Koby once again. He reached a hand up, cupping his hand against the side of his face.)
I'll check. Maybe the bath will be enough? [So many things to research, so much to still figure out. It's -- actually sort of exciting, having something as (seemingly) benign as seal transformation powers to investigate. Koby's deliberately not thinking too hard about how the skin on the counter beside him has a direct link to his life, because that'll dampen his excitement.
Then he nods, already planning to go over in person to check -- he needs to make sure everyone's safe with his own eyes. A pause, then, because Mihawk doesn't know, and Koby adds lightly:] And Luffy. He's here now. [There's an undeniably warm note in his voice, one that he can't quite hide.
Tilting his head into Mihawk's hand, Koby smiles fondly, glasses slipping down his nose.] I think so. You sound impatient.
(Mihawk was moving close to Koby when he informed him of Luffy's arrival. That brings Mihawk to a halt, his hand stilling. He stares calmly at Koby, his expression effortlessly neutral. It's a simple oh that cuts through him and his hand slides off of Koby's face.)
I'm sure you're all bursting with joy. (It's his usual drawl of sarcasm, nothing out of the ordinary. He shifted to finally plug the tub and let it begin filling up with water properly.)
Hardly. It's simply a waste of warm water.
(He moves around to sit at the end of the tub without the facet, sinking down as the tub begins to fill. He props his arms up along the edges of the tub, looking at Koby and just memorizing him in detail. It won't be long then. Death had been one thing. Even in his hurt, he understood why Koby abandoned him for his cause. He couldn't entirely fault Koby for that - and he understood now too that Koby's dreams had changed to accommodate an actual life outside of being everyone's favorite little hero.
This was far different. It is one thing to remember someone, but to have them near, breathing and able to flourish with you...Well. Mihawk wasn't a stupid man.
Thankfully, he was controlled. Even now. The stakes were high and so even his ears are controlled. It's fine. This is fine. He nods to his lap, ignoring the sour plunging ache at the back of his throat.)
[Koby is usually much more perceptive, more observant, but Mihawk's careful neutrality works efficiently this time -- partially because Koby's distracted by rinsing out the cloth and moving the chair back where it was.] His crew's definitely relieved. I think it'll make things a little better, for them.
[Then, unbuttoning the sides of the overalls, unaware of Mihawk's inner turmoil:] And I'll talk to him, about what's been happening. It'll be fine. [It's reassuring to a worry that Mihawk isn't actually having -- that Luffy might be upset about the whole Zoro near-death-experience thing. Koby is completely confident in his ability to maintain the situation, to ensure harmony across the board. Seeing Luffy again had soothed something deep in his soul, but he wants the pirate to know everything. More than anyone else, Luffy is his friend. The person he'd changed so much for.
If Luffy disapproves, if he tells Koby he should stop seeing Mihawk, though...well. It'll hurt, but Koby's already made his mind up. He'll just have to talk Luffy into why it's a good idea and actually everyone's wrong about Mihawk. No big deal.
Completely unaware that actually verbalizing all this might be a good idea, Koby stands up to push off the rest of his clothes. And while Mihawk might be currently occupied with dark thoughts, there's no way he'll miss the fact that either Nami went above and beyond or Koby took some fashion initiative of his own -- because the underwear he has on is definitely brand new.
Ears red, Koby pauses long enough to make sure Mihawk sees. Compliment him, damn it.]
No doubt. (Mihawk didn't want Koby to feel as though he couldn't talk about Luffy. He didn't want to force him, not even his heart, to find its way to him.)
As I'm sure it will for you too.
(Because anyone would be stupid to ignore the way Koby has spoken about Luffy before. The boy lit up and became this warm, hopeful creature. Begrudgingly, Mihawk has to appreciate Luffy for that alone. Koby deserved to look like that all the time, and some part of Mihawk thinks that if he has to let Koby go, he is at least grateful to let him go to someone who is so capable.
He blinks slowly. The affair. Right. It made enough sense. Everyone else knew, after all. It was only a matter of time before Luffy did too. Mihawk wasn't even thinking about the Zoro situation. Mostly because it is what it is and he had been indifferent about the straw hats' different hostilities toward him over the situation. He watches Koby carefully and takes his obliviousness to mean that Koby doesn't even realize how he sounds when talking about Luffy.
Really would be only a matter of time then. He slides a hand through his dense fur, slicking it back from his face.)
You don't have to go through the effort. I don't care what he thinks about me. (Which comes out a bit harder than he intends, and he's being honest. If Luffy thought he was some heartless sadist, then so be it. He wasn't completely off base.
Plus the idea of Koby telling Luffy about them...He wondered what Luffy's reaction would be and if Luffy would try to convince Koby to leave him. Or if he would be more like Sanji and tell him that Mihawk was a bastard who would never care about him. Mihawk couldn't exactly imagine the latter happening with how positive Luffy seemed to be, but the rest...Who knew?
He figured if anyone could talk any sense into Koby, it was Luffy. He sighs, sinking down in the tub, and props his neck against the edge, staring sullenly up at the ceiling. The sound of pants dropping draws his attention. He rolls his head forward and ah- well.
Oh, how he is going to miss this.)
Look at you. (Even with the pit in his stomach, it's impossible for him to not react.)
[There's a bit of proud, embarrassed preening at the compliment, another of those strangely animal purring sounds that Koby seems unaware he's making. Compliment received, he sheds the (mildly embarrassing but definitely a good investment) underwear and steps into the tub. The water is warm, soothing, and Koby settles happily in Mihawk's lap -- facing him, because there's more bathing to do, okay, and he takes this task very seriously.]
He doesn't have his powers here -- the devil fruit ones. I think it's been hard on him. [There's a definite fretful note in Koby's voice as he grabs the soap again, starts coaxing the dry blood out of Mihawk's fur. He won't admit it outright, but he likes the silky, dark trail that leads down Mihawk's stomach, likes sliding his fingers through the thick mess, likes how wild it makes Mihawk look. Koby himself has staunchly avoided shaving for years, but...well, all his hair is pink. Sort of hard to see, even if it's all over his legs or stomach or arms.
The careless response gets a momentary frown, and Koby's bright, serious eyes catching Mihawk's newly canine ones.] I care. You're important to me. [Then, sitting up and pushing his glasses on top of his head, holding back his hair:] If you'd rather I didn't tell him, I won't.
[It comes out very flat for someone who, less than a month ago, was ready to pretend he didn't even know Mihawk, much less intimately. Koby is surprised at his own reluctance to be some sort of dirty secret. Still, if it's what Mihawk wants, he'll respect that. Begrudgingly.]
(It's a sweet sound and almost distracting enough from the conversation at hand. Were he in a slightly better mood, he probably would have done far more than verbally compliment Koby on the underwear. Though later on, he was bound to bring it up.
With Koby so near and facing him, Mihawk knew he had to school himself even stricter. Koby was perceptive though thankfully right now, he seemed oblivious and Mihawk had no problem taking advantage of that either. He would rather not make a big deal out of the inevitable truths here.)
Hmm. (A disinterested noise, but then...) Nor do I. He will live. In any case, he has plenty of support regardless.
(There was no choice really but to accept it and move on. Deal with the hand one was given in this weird place. Just like Mihawk planned to master this werewolf business as he had swords before.
He raises a brow at Koby, noting the flat tone. No, he had no interest in keeping this a dirty secret either. Nor did he want Koby to think that was what he meant. He slides his hands over his waist and squeezes.)
I didn't mean it like that. I only meant that Luffy already knows who I am. I'm sure he will form his own conclusions about...this situation. Don't feel you owe anyone any sort of explanation for your own choices, Koby.
(Another squeeze and he kisses the corner of Koby's mouth, hoping to assure the man that it had nothing to do with wanting to keep their relationship private. He eases back from Koby, settling back against the tub.)
...you had powers, before? [It's genuinely surprised -- Koby had always figured it was just pure determination and really good swordsman skills that made Mihawk the best. Granted, he hasn't really advanced beyond the "run until you pass out" stage of Garp's training, so there's probably a lot he doesn't know.
Most of the blood and grime is out of Mihawk's fur, so Koby busies himself for the moment with fingercombing the silky strands so they lie neatly. The warmth of Mihawk's hands at his waist, broad and familiar, is intensely reassuring, stopping the spiral of tension that had begun coiling in Koby's chest. He exhales, nodding.] I know. Even if Luffy's upset, he'll -- come around, eventually. He just doesn't know you.
[Firmly, looking back up at Mihawk, hair falling in his face:] I'll just need to be patient until he does. And then he'll -- [love you too] -- understand that you aren't going anywhere.
[A pause, something vulnerable and aching flickering in Koby's expression, a momentary glimpse of the constant unease he carries around.] Right?
Haki. (It would be a word Koby would eventually come to be familiar with in their world both here and if they ever went home.) It kept my sword from ever being damaged as well as allowed me such power in my swings. Kept my gaze sharp.
(He wasn't cutting boats down in half just because he believed in the power of friendship. Haki wasn't something easily mastered though either. There was a reason he was a bit bitter upon arrival in this place and it didn't just have to do with losing his sword.
It's a true testament to Mihawk's control that he doesn't just close his eyes and bang his head backward. His jaw was starting to tense up and he had to count backward and remember some basic sword movements.
Still, he can't help but give Koby a rather flat look.)
I will wait for his approval with bated breath. (This time the sarcasm is a bit sharper.)
You do realize I'm not going out of my way to get on good terms with him, don't you? (Because. He wasn't. He wasn't friendly on a general basis and had zero interest in building relationships. Or that's what he told himself all of the time. Yet he's just going to ignore the fact that he has built several here. He respected Luffy, at least, and that's not a compliment most ever lived to see from Mihawk so that's something.
He reaches a hand out to push Koby's hair up and back from his face. The determination was endearing as is anything Koby did really, and under different circumstances, he might even be flattered that Koby cared so much about his reputation among his friends.)
Just be realistic. (He chides gently, moving that hand down to Koby's neck.) I cut his friend down. Whenever you talk about him, you get a glow about you and go on about what a good person he is and how much his opinion matters to you. I'm just suggesting you consider the possibility that there may never be any sort of...
(He doesn't even know what to call it.)
Positive connection. (Sure. Alliance, absolutely, and that was already inevitable. After all, Mihawk was training Zoro and cared about Nami and was providing herbs for Sanji. He was- well, doing everything with Koby. The alliance part was the easy part. Sanji still resented him for cutting Zoro down and not only that, but resented him for turning his back on pirates.)
Our world is polarizing. (People had good reasons to hate who they hated.
He leans back again, smoothing a hand through his own hair, ears pricking up shortly after. At the aching wonder of Koby's expression, Mihawk sighs.)
No, I'm not going anywhere. (Not until you want me to.)
Haki. Right. [Koby's definitely heard Helmeppo ramble about that too, but -- well, he rambles about a lot of things, and Koby's usually too tired to really absorb much. Still, if it's something Mihawk has, he's immediately much more interested. Which is definitely something chill and casual about him.
The hand in his hair does little to dissuade the pout -- because Koby's definitely pouting now, his idealistic fantasies once again dampened by reality.] I know that. [Huffy, so huffy, leaning forward and crossing his arms on Mihawk's chest, then resting his chin on them.] If you did, I'd be worried you were sick or something. You don't really go out of your way for anything.
[Except Koby. Sometimes. But he's not thinking about that too hard.]
Yes, you did. The same friend you now train with shirtless every morning. [Koby...how do you know they're shirtless.] People can change. Or be more than one thing. [Then Koby sighs, relenting, absently stroking at the fur on Mihawk's chest.] You don't have to be best friends, but I'll settle for not actively trying to attack each other. [Mihawk has Shanks for that, after all.
Then, looking upwards again, with that intent, unflinching gaze:] Good. I'm not going anywhere either. Just because Luffy's here doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly disappear. [...ah. A little less oblivious than he seems, yet again.]
It's a power back in our world. I will tell you about it sometime. (It's a promise. There likely weren't any books about it here and he figured the other Straw Hats hadn't quite figured it out yet either. He would have started to train Zoro in it if they had any access, but here they were.
Okay well damn, don't give him that look. It actually almost makes Mihawk feel guilty. His expression softens marginally.)
What can I say? If it doesn't suit me...(Then why bother? Koby suited him and so he bothered often and well. Koby appealed to Mihawk's better side and if anyone could make Mihawk act civil, it was going to be Koby.)
Oh? Watching us that closely are you? (Absolutely caught that one.
Koby isn't wrong though. People were more complex than their past feelings. He watches Koby, softening even more. It was impossible not to.)
I have no intention of attacking him.
(That much he could promise. He did respect Luffy, and the boy didn't seem interested in getting Mihawk's way (for now) so it wasn't a problem. Besides, he knew Zoro and Nami would get upset with him too and all of that would just be far too annoying to deal with.
Koby's looking up suddenly with that familiar, bold way about his, and Mihawk's a bit stricken by the look. As he usually is. The words more. He glances away from Koby.)
Hmm. We'll see. (He looks back at Koby, head tipped to the side.) I prefer not to act naive about these things.
[There's a thoughtful nod, but it's been a long day, so even Koby's insistent need to know everything, all the time isn't as strong as usual. He can find out later, can ask a million questions and start harassing the Witches to see if they can get it back.
Oh, called out. Koby's ears turn pink and he scowls deeper, because Mihawk is definitely not going to believe that he hasn't been spying. In fact, Mihawk probably knew damn well Koby was there, once or twice. Or three times. Or -- he has a routine, okay, and it happens to take him past the dumb remote field where they train shirtless. How is that his fault?
But he doesn't have time to dwell on it, because Mihawk says that and Koby's abruptly sitting upright, a flash of genuine hurt on his face. It's raw, unguarded, a brief glimpse of just how deep his feelings go. He wants to -- yell, demand an explanation for why Mihawk would think that, why he assumes this (they) is inevitably doomed to failure.
Yet -- Koby had already left Mihawk, recently enough that it's still clearly an open wound. Of course. Of course. His shoulders drop a little, the aching pain disappearing from those big, sad eyes, replaced with a solemn resignation.] I...can't blame you for thinking that way. I haven't exactly shown you otherwise yet.
[A slow exhale, then Koby reaches out, setting his hands on either side of Mihawk's face, very gently.] So I have to...ask you to wait and see, again. Give me a chance to prove it. That I don't want to go anywhere. That I won't.
(He most definitely has. It is hard for him to not be aware of Koby's presence and the pink hair really didn't help him. He didn't mind it though. If he knew Koby was out training with someone, he would likely be stopping by as well to stalk and assess the situation. For science.
Mihawk watches him sit up sharply, watches that look of hurt, and again, he feels another dull pulse of guilt. It's not an emotion he's familiar with and he immediately decides he doesn't like it in the slightest. A small part of him wants to assure Koby, but it would be a lie to act like anything else was the truth.)
You did just spend quite a bit of time going on about how much his approval means, yes.
(And just- looking like he does whenever he talks about Luffy. Which. It's fine. Totally fine that Koby is close with other people. Mihawk believed Koby should be close to other people. Koby deserved friends and nice things. He does have to clench his jaw again because it feels unnatural to not rush to comfort Koby when he has that upset look on his face.
He doesn't expect Koby to reach out to him, to cup his face. The gesture catches him off guard enough that his eyes widen marginally. He softens again and slides a hand over one of Koby's, turning his face to kiss the inside of Koby's wrist.)
We're friends. [And -- yes, at one time, Luffy had meant everything to Koby, a mixture of worship and affection and gratitude that was more potent than anything he'd ever felt. It had been enough to have him standing up to Garp, the first step in a very long, exhausting journey that had brought him where he was then -- sitting in Mihawk's lap, hands on his face, watching his stony expression for the telltale signs that it seems like only Koby knows. If not for Luffy, he wouldn't be here. Koby doesn't know how not to light up when talking about him.] It'd be nice to have his approval, but...
[A pause, thumb stroking over the swirling, intricate edge of Mihawk's beard.] If he tells me I shouldn't keep seeing you, I'll tell him he's wrong. [And hopefully Luffy will listen. Hopefully it won't end in Koby having to choose. He can't let himself think that it might all be for nothing, that he might be doomed, otherwise he'll want to give up before he even starts.
Mihawk kisses his wrist, and some of the anxiety is gone. Koby smiles, soft and sleepy and affectionate.] One second. [Then he leans forward, presses his lips to Mihawk's forehead, gentle and fervent at the same time, unbearable tenderness in the gesture.] Okay. Don't want you to catch a cold. [Right, because Mihawk's the one in danger of that.]
Yes, I'm incredibly aware. (Mihawk was also aware of the situation too. He knew what Luffy had done for Koby, and he wouldn't blame Koby if he wasn't still quite over that. It didn't take away the mild sting though. Everything was fresh from the sacrifice, but also the arrival of Shanks, and now Luffy. Mihawk was feeling a bit ground down on all sides and he missed the familiarity of his sword, his regular powers, and now, the control over his own body and emotions.
He wasn't the sort to admit it, but he was running on a thin line. He wouldn't describe himself as hopeless either. His realism was just bordering more on pessimism right about now.
It felt like for the first time in...Well, maybe since he was a child or a teenager, he had lost in some way.)
All right. (Mihawk isn't so sure how that will go. Although, truthfully, he can't imagine Luffy was the sort of person who would demand Koby choose anyway. After all, the boy let Koby chase after his dream of being a marine without ruining their friendship. So.)
For what it's worth, I don't think he will tell you that. He seems to be an advocate for people going after what they want even if it contradicts his own dreams.
(He really didn't hate Luffy. And he didn't hate what he's done for Koby. Part of him does want to comfort Koby because he didn't want Koby to worry so much about it either - even if Mihawk wasn't so positive or sold on everything, that didn't mean he had to fill Koby's head up with insecure jibes that Mihawk didn't even believe. Uncomfortable or not, he was always going to be honest with Koby.
He didn't want Koby to think his friend would abandon him after everything he has done for him. He doesn't like how Koby lights up thinking about him, but he didn't want there to be a reason that thinking on Luffy made him sad either.
At the end of the day, it was just like back at the sacrifice. He wanted Koby to do what he wanted. He wanted Koby to go after his dreams and do what felt right to him. Mihawk would never stand in the way of that. Even if that dream wound up not including him at all.
He knew he had never made Shanks light up that way either. Some part of him grappled with the fact that this was merely the outcome of the life he had led and he had no right to be bitter about it. He said he was fine on his own so he should be fine on his own.
He doesn't even realize he has a headache until Koby is kissing his forehead and he feels the slightest pulse of relief. Luffy or Shanks or sacrifices or not - he did know how he felt about Koby. Koby who worried about him catching a cold. He scoffs.)
Honestly.
(He's never caught a cold in his life. He grabs Koby then, and stands up out of the tub, holding Koby in a classic bridal pose. He undoes the drain and steps out of the tub, sighing.)
That was less sexy than I had envisioned. (The tragedy of being emo. He sets Koby on the edge of his bathroom counter and reaches for two fluffy black towels. He wraps one around his waist before getting to work on patting Koby dry beeecause he can!)
You're probably right. [Koby smiles wryly, a little self-deprecating.] But who would I be if I didn't worry anyway?
[Then he quiets, watching the tiny shifts in Mihawk's expression, the tightening of his jaw, the faraway look in his eye. There's more there than his and Luffy's history -- something deeper, older, something that Mihawk clearly doesn't want to talk about. Koby is desperately curious, but he can sense the weight of whatever it is, and wisely bites his lower lip and says nothing.
If Mihawk wants to say it, he will, eventually. Despite being obviously the stronger, more dominant one in this -- thing of theirs, Mihawk has let Koby take the lead in every actual decision, all the way back to the fireside ritual. Part of Koby is relieved by this, by the sense of control it gives him, but sometimes...he wishes Mihawk would ask things. Material comforts aside, Koby doesn't think Mihawk's very good at making requests. Even someone with a very high opinion of themselves can have low self-esteem in specific areas.
Still, there's visible exhaustion in the man's furrowed brow, the slight tension of his shoulders as Koby holds onto his neck. Now is not the time to get into a conversation as complex as their self-image issues. Koby smooths his thumb along Mihawk's jaw, soothingly, fretting a bit.] You look tired. Do you need any food before we go to bed?
[The comment makes Koby laugh, obligingly letting Mihawk towel him dry. Well, sort of -- he does make a nuisance of himself by stroking and petting the man's now-clean, fluffy wolf ears.] We can always try again when we're less tired. [Nuzzling one ear now, kissing the pointed tip, he murmurs:] Seeing you all wet and soapy was nice, though. Definitely my favorite part.
(Mihawk didn't know how to talk to people about things. He never had and had never thought he would. It's true. He didn't ask things, didn't ask for help, didn't vocalize anything of the sort. Mostly he figured he could do things on his own. Whatever this thing between them was, it was only beginning to build better habits. Even if it didn't exactly feel like that right now.
It's nice to be soothed by Koby. Some of that tension relaxes and he decides he's done enough sulking for the past twenty-four-hours. Koby's fretting was sweet as ever and he relaxed even further at hearing his laugh.)
No, I'm fine. Do you need anything?
(He's pretty sure he ate a whole lot of something as a wolf and was still feeling that. His ears flick about on his head at the attention, and then Koby is nuzzling his ear, kissing it, and it's actually too much! The tragedy of wolf ears meant that he no longer blushed in the tips of his ears, but now, he blushed a bit across the bridge of his nose, an unfamiliar burning.)
I could say the same. (He reluctantly pulls away from Koby and removes his own towel because it just wasn't cutting it. He had to...He had to...
Mihawk proceeds to shake himself like a dog. Sorry, Koby, you're getting some spray back. He scrubs at his hair with one of the towels and then moves it to dry off his tail. Koby now gets to finally see the sight of a Mihawk without his hair slicked back. His hair is spiked and a bit long, and truthfully, he looks younger with his hair down. Maybe even softer. Mihawk pulls his towel away from his tail, approving of its dryness at last.)
Please tell me I don't smell like a wet dog. (Oh god.............
Thankfully he doesn't although his musky scent was a bit stronger.)
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What it is though is trust. Something deeper too. A gesture of...That. He knew Koby wasn't a stupid boy. Far from it. He was too compassionate for his own good and wickedly observant. He knew that Koby would know what it meant. Even in the slightest way possible. He can feel the weight of that silence and has to resist the urge to whip back around and see what look was on Koby's face, to look.
He resists that urge and decides that if he is going to do this then he is going to commit to it. The soft voice and touch make Mihawk relax, his head tipping back ever so slightly. He closes his own eyes and something settles in him.
He reaches his hand back, just so that he could slide his fingers over Koby's neck, against the hair at the back of his neck.)
Only for you. (He murmurs back, just as quietly, nearly lost beneath the rushing water, but not quite. He gently squeezes the back of Koby's neck. Three times. Pulsing squeezes. He lingers just a moment before he slides his hand away and back to his lap. Something better than pride was pushing its way through him, something that made turning his back feel infinitely worth it.
If Koby could trust him with his essence, the new seal skin he had come by, then Mihawk could trust him with this too. Always.)
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But this is the first time he thinks -- he lets himself think that it might be reciprocated. That Mihawk might feel the same. That this isn't just a pleasant diversion or a way to spend the time, but that Mihawk might --
love him back.
Koby squeezes his eyes shut tighter, forcing the thoughts, that word back as hard as he can. They don't have time for this, not in a world as dangerous as this. Stay in the moment, focus on the task, move his hands so his mind doesn't have time to spiral. He can think about this later, when he's alone, when he can lose himself in the what-ifs.
Straightening back up, Koby huffs out a steadying sigh, grabbing for the soap again and starting to wet, then lather up Mihawk's grimy back.] It looks like you rolled around in the mud. Do you really not remember? [There we go, when in doubt, gently mock.]
ugly sobbing
He smiles to himself as Koby gets himself composed. It's a private fondness, something he will keep to himself just as Koby keeps his tears to himself in the moment.)
It was a bit of a blur, I'll be honest. I have new senses. The feeling of being in the body was different too. I was rather large.
(That he did remember. He remembered pushing down trees.)
I felt...Strongly.
(He isn't going to say he went insane but he went a little insane! Werewolf life be like that sometimes. He begins to scrub himself down in the front. Feeling Koby was his back was as soothing as it was strange, but it began to feel...better.)
It was not my best moment, I'll admit.
legit rending my garments b y e
But there's no time to cry -- he process of washing Mihawk's back is much more compelling at the moment. Koby's always appreciated the other man's body (both to himself and in practice), but there's something intensely appealing about seeing the muscles he's only ever seen briefly or beneath clothes. And when they're all soapy and wet and warm beneath his hands -- well. It's plenty to keep him occupied.
Plus the incessant need to know everything is piqued by Mihawk's description of his transformation. Koby perks up, already trying to commit everything to memory. He might actually stop mid-bath to write everything down. Nerd.] New senses? Like what? Were you entirely wolf-shaped or more humanoid? I guess you probably couldn't tell, if you were busy, uh, feeling strongly.
[Then Koby huffs out a laugh, reluctantly rinsing off the soap and absently tracing from one beauty mark to another, like a private constellation just for him.] Even you're allowed to lose control sometimes. It's not some...failure of resolve, or whatever dramatic thing you're thinking.
[Wow, called out.]
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Smells are far different. It's difficult to explain. They feel deeper and more complex. I can see easily in the dark. Hm. I could easily go from all fours to being on my hind legs. I remember grabbing things with my - hands.
(Claws, more like, or paws? Either way. They had the usual dexterity he was used to.
When Koby laughs at him and has the audacity to say all that...! Mihawk flicks his tail to splash Koby with a good amount of water.)
I have never had a dramatic thought in my life.
(He's such a loser sometimes.)
I'm dangerous without control, Koby.
(This is the skin of a killer.)
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The descriptions get a thoughtful nod as Koby starts carefully finger-combing the matted mix of fur at the nape of Mihawk's neck, gently coaxing the suds on his hands through the dried blood and grime.] In between, then. That's somewhat useful, still being able to use your hands. I was just a regular seal, I think. [Sleek and quick and strangely graceful in the water, comically awkward on land.
And then Mihawk is splashing him, the absolute nerve! Koby gasps indignantly, jerking back to late to keep his face and front from getting wet.] H-Hey! [Sputtering, sitting back to snatch his shirt and use it to wipe his glasses dry:] That is the biggest lie you've ever told me. You have black walls and candles everywhere.
[Slightly dried off, Koby goes back to washing Mihawk's hair, perhaps a bit rougher than before, as punishment. Even though he probably likes having his hair pulled.] Then it's good the only time it's happened, you weren't around anyone, right? Now you can prepare for next time.
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We'll have to show each other if we can. (He didn't think he could change on command just yet - which was lowkey infuriating beyond belief. But he would like to see Koby as a seal. Especially a pink one.
One of his short, rare laughs snaps out of him at Koby's reaction to being splashed. He did so love playing with Koby like this, pulling on his pigtails right back.)
Black is an elegant color. Hardly dramatic. (He has refined taste, thank you very much. He's so smug even as Koby is a bit rougher with his hair. He likes it a bit rough so jokes on you.)
That feels lovely. (Just for added spite :D)
Just Shanks. (Who was probably fine. They've had way worse fights.)
I suppose. I should make you do some research for me on the subject.
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Then Koby rolls his eyes, digging in his blunt nails against Mihawk's scalp.] You say elegant, I say dramatic. I like blue. Or white. [Like a marine uniform. Nerd.
Right, Shanks. Koby makes a mental note to follow up on that later. Mihawk didn't seem too bothered, so violence was apparently the norm for them -- not that he has room to talk, considering he'd decked Helmeppo the day they met.]
I like research, so there's no "making" about it. There have to be books about it, or people in town who've had similar changes, right? Maybe I should check in with the Straw Hats...
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(Or if it had to be wild waters.
He can't seem to stop smirking. The wolf thing really was making him lose some decent control. That or he just was doing it because he knew Koby had no way of seeing it though it was certainly evident in his voice.
Violence was all too common in their world, truly.)
Most likely.
(...That probably was a good idea.)
I'll check in with Zoro. Do make sure the idiot cook is in one piece. (...) And Nami.
(He was starting to feel more himself. He turned around, finally facing Koby once again. He reached a hand up, cupping his hand against the side of his face.)
Clean enough for you to get in yet?
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Then he nods, already planning to go over in person to check -- he needs to make sure everyone's safe with his own eyes. A pause, then, because Mihawk doesn't know, and Koby adds lightly:] And Luffy. He's here now. [There's an undeniably warm note in his voice, one that he can't quite hide.
Tilting his head into Mihawk's hand, Koby smiles fondly, glasses slipping down his nose.] I think so. You sound impatient.
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(Mihawk was moving close to Koby when he informed him of Luffy's arrival. That brings Mihawk to a halt, his hand stilling. He stares calmly at Koby, his expression effortlessly neutral. It's a simple oh that cuts through him and his hand slides off of Koby's face.)
I'm sure you're all bursting with joy. (It's his usual drawl of sarcasm, nothing out of the ordinary. He shifted to finally plug the tub and let it begin filling up with water properly.)
Hardly. It's simply a waste of warm water.
(He moves around to sit at the end of the tub without the facet, sinking down as the tub begins to fill. He props his arms up along the edges of the tub, looking at Koby and just memorizing him in detail. It won't be long then. Death had been one thing. Even in his hurt, he understood why Koby abandoned him for his cause. He couldn't entirely fault Koby for that - and he understood now too that Koby's dreams had changed to accommodate an actual life outside of being everyone's favorite little hero.
This was far different. It is one thing to remember someone, but to have them near, breathing and able to flourish with you...Well. Mihawk wasn't a stupid man.
Thankfully, he was controlled. Even now. The stakes were high and so even his ears are controlled. It's fine. This is fine. He nods to his lap, ignoring the sour plunging ache at the back of his throat.)
Come, then.
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[Then, unbuttoning the sides of the overalls, unaware of Mihawk's inner turmoil:] And I'll talk to him, about what's been happening. It'll be fine. [It's reassuring to a worry that Mihawk isn't actually having -- that Luffy might be upset about the whole Zoro near-death-experience thing. Koby is completely confident in his ability to maintain the situation, to ensure harmony across the board. Seeing Luffy again had soothed something deep in his soul, but he wants the pirate to know everything. More than anyone else, Luffy is his friend. The person he'd changed so much for.
If Luffy disapproves, if he tells Koby he should stop seeing Mihawk, though...well. It'll hurt, but Koby's already made his mind up. He'll just have to talk Luffy into why it's a good idea and actually everyone's wrong about Mihawk. No big deal.
Completely unaware that actually verbalizing all this might be a good idea, Koby stands up to push off the rest of his clothes. And while Mihawk might be currently occupied with dark thoughts, there's no way he'll miss the fact that either Nami went above and beyond or Koby took some fashion initiative of his own -- because the underwear he has on is definitely brand new.
Ears red, Koby pauses long enough to make sure Mihawk sees. Compliment him, damn it.]
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As I'm sure it will for you too.
(Because anyone would be stupid to ignore the way Koby has spoken about Luffy before. The boy lit up and became this warm, hopeful creature. Begrudgingly, Mihawk has to appreciate Luffy for that alone. Koby deserved to look like that all the time, and some part of Mihawk thinks that if he has to let Koby go, he is at least grateful to let him go to someone who is so capable.
He blinks slowly. The affair. Right. It made enough sense. Everyone else knew, after all. It was only a matter of time before Luffy did too. Mihawk wasn't even thinking about the Zoro situation. Mostly because it is what it is and he had been indifferent about the straw hats' different hostilities toward him over the situation. He watches Koby carefully and takes his obliviousness to mean that Koby doesn't even realize how he sounds when talking about Luffy.
Really would be only a matter of time then. He slides a hand through his dense fur, slicking it back from his face.)
You don't have to go through the effort. I don't care what he thinks about me. (Which comes out a bit harder than he intends, and he's being honest. If Luffy thought he was some heartless sadist, then so be it. He wasn't completely off base.
Plus the idea of Koby telling Luffy about them...He wondered what Luffy's reaction would be and if Luffy would try to convince Koby to leave him. Or if he would be more like Sanji and tell him that Mihawk was a bastard who would never care about him. Mihawk couldn't exactly imagine the latter happening with how positive Luffy seemed to be, but the rest...Who knew?
He figured if anyone could talk any sense into Koby, it was Luffy. He sighs, sinking down in the tub, and props his neck against the edge, staring sullenly up at the ceiling. The sound of pants dropping draws his attention. He rolls his head forward and ah- well.
Oh, how he is going to miss this.)
Look at you. (Even with the pit in his stomach, it's impossible for him to not react.)
You're completely divine.
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He doesn't have his powers here -- the devil fruit ones. I think it's been hard on him. [There's a definite fretful note in Koby's voice as he grabs the soap again, starts coaxing the dry blood out of Mihawk's fur. He won't admit it outright, but he likes the silky, dark trail that leads down Mihawk's stomach, likes sliding his fingers through the thick mess, likes how wild it makes Mihawk look. Koby himself has staunchly avoided shaving for years, but...well, all his hair is pink. Sort of hard to see, even if it's all over his legs or stomach or arms.
The careless response gets a momentary frown, and Koby's bright, serious eyes catching Mihawk's newly canine ones.] I care. You're important to me. [Then, sitting up and pushing his glasses on top of his head, holding back his hair:] If you'd rather I didn't tell him, I won't.
[It comes out very flat for someone who, less than a month ago, was ready to pretend he didn't even know Mihawk, much less intimately. Koby is surprised at his own reluctance to be some sort of dirty secret. Still, if it's what Mihawk wants, he'll respect that. Begrudgingly.]
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With Koby so near and facing him, Mihawk knew he had to school himself even stricter. Koby was perceptive though thankfully right now, he seemed oblivious and Mihawk had no problem taking advantage of that either. He would rather not make a big deal out of the inevitable truths here.)
Hmm. (A disinterested noise, but then...) Nor do I. He will live. In any case, he has plenty of support regardless.
(There was no choice really but to accept it and move on. Deal with the hand one was given in this weird place. Just like Mihawk planned to master this werewolf business as he had swords before.
He raises a brow at Koby, noting the flat tone. No, he had no interest in keeping this a dirty secret either. Nor did he want Koby to think that was what he meant. He slides his hands over his waist and squeezes.)
I didn't mean it like that. I only meant that Luffy already knows who I am. I'm sure he will form his own conclusions about...this situation. Don't feel you owe anyone any sort of explanation for your own choices, Koby.
(Another squeeze and he kisses the corner of Koby's mouth, hoping to assure the man that it had nothing to do with wanting to keep their relationship private. He eases back from Koby, settling back against the tub.)
What happens is bound to happen.
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Most of the blood and grime is out of Mihawk's fur, so Koby busies himself for the moment with fingercombing the silky strands so they lie neatly. The warmth of Mihawk's hands at his waist, broad and familiar, is intensely reassuring, stopping the spiral of tension that had begun coiling in Koby's chest. He exhales, nodding.] I know. Even if Luffy's upset, he'll -- come around, eventually. He just doesn't know you.
[Firmly, looking back up at Mihawk, hair falling in his face:] I'll just need to be patient until he does. And then he'll -- [love you too] -- understand that you aren't going anywhere.
[A pause, something vulnerable and aching flickering in Koby's expression, a momentary glimpse of the constant unease he carries around.] Right?
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(He wasn't cutting boats down in half just because he believed in the power of friendship. Haki wasn't something easily mastered though either. There was a reason he was a bit bitter upon arrival in this place and it didn't just have to do with losing his sword.
It's a true testament to Mihawk's control that he doesn't just close his eyes and bang his head backward. His jaw was starting to tense up and he had to count backward and remember some basic sword movements.
Still, he can't help but give Koby a rather flat look.)
I will wait for his approval with bated breath. (This time the sarcasm is a bit sharper.)
You do realize I'm not going out of my way to get on good terms with him, don't you? (Because. He wasn't. He wasn't friendly on a general basis and had zero interest in building relationships. Or that's what he told himself all of the time. Yet he's just going to ignore the fact that he has built several here. He respected Luffy, at least, and that's not a compliment most ever lived to see from Mihawk so that's something.
He reaches a hand out to push Koby's hair up and back from his face. The determination was endearing as is anything Koby did really, and under different circumstances, he might even be flattered that Koby cared so much about his reputation among his friends.)
Just be realistic. (He chides gently, moving that hand down to Koby's neck.) I cut his friend down. Whenever you talk about him, you get a glow about you and go on about what a good person he is and how much his opinion matters to you. I'm just suggesting you consider the possibility that there may never be any sort of...
(He doesn't even know what to call it.)
Positive connection. (Sure. Alliance, absolutely, and that was already inevitable. After all, Mihawk was training Zoro and cared about Nami and was providing herbs for Sanji. He was- well, doing everything with Koby. The alliance part was the easy part. Sanji still resented him for cutting Zoro down and not only that, but resented him for turning his back on pirates.)
Our world is polarizing. (People had good reasons to hate who they hated.
He leans back again, smoothing a hand through his own hair, ears pricking up shortly after. At the aching wonder of Koby's expression, Mihawk sighs.)
No, I'm not going anywhere. (Not until you want me to.)
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The hand in his hair does little to dissuade the pout -- because Koby's definitely pouting now, his idealistic fantasies once again dampened by reality.] I know that. [Huffy, so huffy, leaning forward and crossing his arms on Mihawk's chest, then resting his chin on them.] If you did, I'd be worried you were sick or something. You don't really go out of your way for anything.
[Except Koby. Sometimes. But he's not thinking about that too hard.]
Yes, you did. The same friend you now train with shirtless every morning. [Koby...how do you know they're shirtless.] People can change. Or be more than one thing. [Then Koby sighs, relenting, absently stroking at the fur on Mihawk's chest.] You don't have to be best friends, but I'll settle for not actively trying to attack each other. [Mihawk has Shanks for that, after all.
Then, looking upwards again, with that intent, unflinching gaze:] Good. I'm not going anywhere either. Just because Luffy's here doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly disappear. [...ah. A little less oblivious than he seems, yet again.]
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Okay well damn, don't give him that look. It actually almost makes Mihawk feel guilty. His expression softens marginally.)
What can I say? If it doesn't suit me...(Then why bother? Koby suited him and so he bothered often and well. Koby appealed to Mihawk's better side and if anyone could make Mihawk act civil, it was going to be Koby.)
Oh? Watching us that closely are you? (Absolutely caught that one.
Koby isn't wrong though. People were more complex than their past feelings. He watches Koby, softening even more. It was impossible not to.)
I have no intention of attacking him.
(That much he could promise. He did respect Luffy, and the boy didn't seem interested in getting Mihawk's way (for now) so it wasn't a problem. Besides, he knew Zoro and Nami would get upset with him too and all of that would just be far too annoying to deal with.
Koby's looking up suddenly with that familiar, bold way about his, and Mihawk's a bit stricken by the look. As he usually is. The words more. He glances away from Koby.)
Hmm. We'll see. (He looks back at Koby, head tipped to the side.) I prefer not to act naive about these things.
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Oh, called out. Koby's ears turn pink and he scowls deeper, because Mihawk is definitely not going to believe that he hasn't been spying. In fact, Mihawk probably knew damn well Koby was there, once or twice. Or three times. Or -- he has a routine, okay, and it happens to take him past the dumb remote field where they train shirtless. How is that his fault?
But he doesn't have time to dwell on it, because Mihawk says that and Koby's abruptly sitting upright, a flash of genuine hurt on his face. It's raw, unguarded, a brief glimpse of just how deep his feelings go. He wants to -- yell, demand an explanation for why Mihawk would think that, why he assumes this (they) is inevitably doomed to failure.
Yet -- Koby had already left Mihawk, recently enough that it's still clearly an open wound. Of course. Of course. His shoulders drop a little, the aching pain disappearing from those big, sad eyes, replaced with a solemn resignation.] I...can't blame you for thinking that way. I haven't exactly shown you otherwise yet.
[A slow exhale, then Koby reaches out, setting his hands on either side of Mihawk's face, very gently.] So I have to...ask you to wait and see, again. Give me a chance to prove it. That I don't want to go anywhere. That I won't.
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Mihawk watches him sit up sharply, watches that look of hurt, and again, he feels another dull pulse of guilt. It's not an emotion he's familiar with and he immediately decides he doesn't like it in the slightest. A small part of him wants to assure Koby, but it would be a lie to act like anything else was the truth.)
You did just spend quite a bit of time going on about how much his approval means, yes.
(And just- looking like he does whenever he talks about Luffy. Which. It's fine. Totally fine that Koby is close with other people. Mihawk believed Koby should be close to other people. Koby deserved friends and nice things. He does have to clench his jaw again because it feels unnatural to not rush to comfort Koby when he has that upset look on his face.
He doesn't expect Koby to reach out to him, to cup his face. The gesture catches him off guard enough that his eyes widen marginally. He softens again and slides a hand over one of Koby's, turning his face to kiss the inside of Koby's wrist.)
You know I will wait.
(That he can say without any hesitation.)
Let's get out. The water is getting cold.
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[A pause, thumb stroking over the swirling, intricate edge of Mihawk's beard.] If he tells me I shouldn't keep seeing you, I'll tell him he's wrong. [And hopefully Luffy will listen. Hopefully it won't end in Koby having to choose. He can't let himself think that it might all be for nothing, that he might be doomed, otherwise he'll want to give up before he even starts.
Mihawk kisses his wrist, and some of the anxiety is gone. Koby smiles, soft and sleepy and affectionate.] One second. [Then he leans forward, presses his lips to Mihawk's forehead, gentle and fervent at the same time, unbearable tenderness in the gesture.] Okay. Don't want you to catch a cold. [Right, because Mihawk's the one in danger of that.]
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He wasn't the sort to admit it, but he was running on a thin line. He wouldn't describe himself as hopeless either. His realism was just bordering more on pessimism right about now.
It felt like for the first time in...Well, maybe since he was a child or a teenager, he had lost in some way.)
All right. (Mihawk isn't so sure how that will go. Although, truthfully, he can't imagine Luffy was the sort of person who would demand Koby choose anyway. After all, the boy let Koby chase after his dream of being a marine without ruining their friendship. So.)
For what it's worth, I don't think he will tell you that. He seems to be an advocate for people going after what they want even if it contradicts his own dreams.
(He really didn't hate Luffy. And he didn't hate what he's done for Koby. Part of him does want to comfort Koby because he didn't want Koby to worry so much about it either - even if Mihawk wasn't so positive or sold on everything, that didn't mean he had to fill Koby's head up with insecure jibes that Mihawk didn't even believe. Uncomfortable or not, he was always going to be honest with Koby.
He didn't want Koby to think his friend would abandon him after everything he has done for him. He doesn't like how Koby lights up thinking about him, but he didn't want there to be a reason that thinking on Luffy made him sad either.
At the end of the day, it was just like back at the sacrifice. He wanted Koby to do what he wanted. He wanted Koby to go after his dreams and do what felt right to him. Mihawk would never stand in the way of that. Even if that dream wound up not including him at all.
He knew he had never made Shanks light up that way either. Some part of him grappled with the fact that this was merely the outcome of the life he had led and he had no right to be bitter about it. He said he was fine on his own so he should be fine on his own.
He doesn't even realize he has a headache until Koby is kissing his forehead and he feels the slightest pulse of relief. Luffy or Shanks or sacrifices or not - he did know how he felt about Koby. Koby who worried about him catching a cold. He scoffs.)
Honestly.
(He's never caught a cold in his life. He grabs Koby then, and stands up out of the tub, holding Koby in a classic bridal pose. He undoes the drain and steps out of the tub, sighing.)
That was less sexy than I had envisioned. (The tragedy of being emo. He sets Koby on the edge of his bathroom counter and reaches for two fluffy black towels. He wraps one around his waist before getting to work on patting Koby dry beeecause he can!)
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[Then he quiets, watching the tiny shifts in Mihawk's expression, the tightening of his jaw, the faraway look in his eye. There's more there than his and Luffy's history -- something deeper, older, something that Mihawk clearly doesn't want to talk about. Koby is desperately curious, but he can sense the weight of whatever it is, and wisely bites his lower lip and says nothing.
If Mihawk wants to say it, he will, eventually. Despite being obviously the stronger, more dominant one in this -- thing of theirs, Mihawk has let Koby take the lead in every actual decision, all the way back to the fireside ritual. Part of Koby is relieved by this, by the sense of control it gives him, but sometimes...he wishes Mihawk would ask things. Material comforts aside, Koby doesn't think Mihawk's very good at making requests. Even someone with a very high opinion of themselves can have low self-esteem in specific areas.
Still, there's visible exhaustion in the man's furrowed brow, the slight tension of his shoulders as Koby holds onto his neck. Now is not the time to get into a conversation as complex as their self-image issues. Koby smooths his thumb along Mihawk's jaw, soothingly, fretting a bit.] You look tired. Do you need any food before we go to bed?
[The comment makes Koby laugh, obligingly letting Mihawk towel him dry. Well, sort of -- he does make a nuisance of himself by stroking and petting the man's now-clean, fluffy wolf ears.] We can always try again when we're less tired. [Nuzzling one ear now, kissing the pointed tip, he murmurs:] Seeing you all wet and soapy was nice, though. Definitely my favorite part.
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(Mihawk didn't know how to talk to people about things. He never had and had never thought he would. It's true. He didn't ask things, didn't ask for help, didn't vocalize anything of the sort. Mostly he figured he could do things on his own. Whatever this thing between them was, it was only beginning to build better habits. Even if it didn't exactly feel like that right now.
It's nice to be soothed by Koby. Some of that tension relaxes and he decides he's done enough sulking for the past twenty-four-hours. Koby's fretting was sweet as ever and he relaxed even further at hearing his laugh.)
No, I'm fine. Do you need anything?
(He's pretty sure he ate a whole lot of something as a wolf and was still feeling that. His ears flick about on his head at the attention, and then Koby is nuzzling his ear, kissing it, and it's actually too much! The tragedy of wolf ears meant that he no longer blushed in the tips of his ears, but now, he blushed a bit across the bridge of his nose, an unfamiliar burning.)
I could say the same. (He reluctantly pulls away from Koby and removes his own towel because it just wasn't cutting it. He had to...He had to...
Mihawk proceeds to shake himself like a dog. Sorry, Koby, you're getting some spray back. He scrubs at his hair with one of the towels and then moves it to dry off his tail. Koby now gets to finally see the sight of a Mihawk without his hair slicked back. His hair is spiked and a bit long, and truthfully, he looks younger with his hair down. Maybe even softer. Mihawk pulls his towel away from his tail, approving of its dryness at last.)
Please tell me I don't smell like a wet dog. (Oh god.............
Thankfully he doesn't although his musky scent was a bit stronger.)
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